"You Shall Know the Truth. And it isn't Here."

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Aluminum Bats


According to history, the first aluminum bat was designed accidentally by Herbert LeBoink. LeBoink, longtime baseball fan and small mammal enthusiast, was a taxidermist by trade. He enjoyed stuffing trophy animals with readily available metals. When others used softer materials, LeBoink prefered using lead and aluminum. Lead was a popular ingredient in LeBoink's work because it discouraged children from playing with their beloved stuffed deceased pet. He used aluminum in those cases where weight was not a concern and when he had lots of Reynolds Wrap lying around the house. Legend has it he had just finished stuffing a prized Sheep Dog named Casey when a baseball crashed through his window and struck Casey, knocking Casey down while making a really cool noise in the process. In a fit of anger, LeBoink lifted Casey up, tossed the baseball in the air, and swung Casey like a bat at the ball. He liked how the ball and aluminum connected, but decided a stuffed straight snake would be a better choice for swinging. Eventually, his stuffed straight snakes were the hit of the school playgrounds. Later, professional players sought out the snakes, and soon there was boinking nationwide.

LeBoink shared the story with his neighbor, Earnest Thayer, who, in turn wrote about an aluminum stuffed sheep dog that was used as a bat during professional baseball games. Casey Was the Bat didn't take off like Thayer had hoped, but he eventually came to the conclusion that changing a few things and dropping the sheep dog would help immensely.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Knitting


According to legend, the word 'knit' originally meant "pop you so hard you'll see stars," which was a sign of love and admiration in the small town of Concussion, Italy. After prolonged 'knitting', the population realized there was probably a better way. At that point, Bernardo Crochet, a local haberdasher, convinced the townspeople that making sweaters was a better and safer way to show love and admiration. Not surprisingly, the constant noggin' knockin' had adverse effects on those who decided to start 'knitting' in the new fangled way. The sweaters looked more like blankets with arm holes. And the Snuggie was born.