Sweet tea, long a favorite southern beverage, has its roots in Saxon war rituals. On the occasions where Saxons won a victory on the battlefield, they would drink the blood of their opponents. Though they believed the blood would give them power, it often gave them dysentery; a problem that often led to their defeat on and off the battlefield. Tired of getting caught with his pants down, Grrpxnstrbr the Vowelless suggested they drink tea instead. Culturally, this was a milestone for the Saxons. After the ‘tea service’ took hold within the armed ranks, Loosy Anne, a Saxon groupie, suggested sweetening the tea with sugar. (Loosy Anne's discovery eventually lead to the invention of the earliest known dentures). Soon pinkies were raised and demitasses were lifted in the spirit of camaraderie, and when they discovered that blood needn’t be spilled to enjoy tea, they developed a pacifist attitude that eventually led to their demise.
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